Happy First Birthday, Felicity!

To Felicity On Her First Birthday:

Dear Felicity,

It is just before 8 p.m. on the eve of your first birthday and I am sitting next to your Daddy watching the Cubs win (for now) and thinking about what I was doing this time last year. One year ago tonight I went on a very long walk down to the beach—about a mile each way—and down one hundred stairs, and back up one hundred stairs. I was determined to meet you. That night I went to bed early and your Daddy stayed up late. I woke up around 2 a.m. with strong contractions. Although I had been having contractions for weeks, these seemed different. I got up to go the bathroom and Daddy came to bed. I was excited to talk about how I thought that “this was it.” Daddy was tired and told me that he wanted to get some sleep and that he didn’t feel like talking. His words, exactly, were, “This is a sleeping room, not a talking-about-contractions room. Why don’t you go downstairs.” So I did.

I turned on the t.v. and watched CNN. Until 4 a.m. when the contractions were getting pretty regular. I was timing them on the t.v. guide channel because it had a digital clock running with seconds. When they were five minutes apart I got up to go upstairs to tell Daddy. Just as I stood up, my water broke! I was so excited and shocked and unsure of what to do. I ran (literally) upstairs to tell Daddy. We had been hearing forever that labor can be long, and so we weren’t entirely sure what to do. We didn’t want to sit around the hospital for ten hours, so we talked briefly and decided that we would wait a bit. Daddy went back to sleep and I went downstairs. By then it was nearly 5:30 a.m. and so I called your Nanny and Papa. They were going to get in their car in Columbus, Ohio and drive when I went into labor. Nanny answered the phone right away. Later on she told me that she was expecting me to call, that she just “knew” that I was going to be going into labor. When Nanny answered the phone she asked me how far apart the contractions were. I told her 3 minutes. She told me that I needed to get to the hospital right away! Then I called Elisabeth and told her that we were going to the hospital. I went upstairs to tell Daddy and he told me that he just needed to take a shower!! By then I was in actual pain! I hadn’t actually packed anything to take to the hospital because I thought that I would have time once I went into labor! Nope!! So, I pulled the first things that I found out of my drawer. If you look at photos of us coming home from the hospital, you’ll see that I was wearing a green tank top and grey sweatpants—not the nicest combination!

We got to the hospital at 6 a.m. and they checked me right away. I was already 4 cm. Things started to get a bit more uncomfortable. I had back labor because you were facing the wrong way and I was in a ton of pain. I sat on the birth ball and also spent some time in the tub. Daddy put pressure on my back with his hands and that seemed to help. I labored until 1 p.m. when I just couldn’t take it anymore. The nurse checked me and told me that I had gone from 7 cm to 6 cm because your position was making my cervix swell. The nurse told me that it would be another three hours at least until I was 10 cm. I knew I couldn’t take it. So I asked for an epidural. The anesthesiologist got there in 5 minutes. It was the longest five minutes of my life, but then I had relief!

Nanny and Papa got there around 2:30 p.m. I was numb and happy and excited. At 4 p.m. they told me that I should begin pushing. I pushed for 2 hours! Then, in one big push, you shot out into Dr. Elvove’s hands. You were perfect. Your Daddy spent the first five minutes of your life with you while I was stitched up. And then, finally, you were placed in my arms. You nursed right away and were the most perfect thing I had ever seen.

Since that day you have grown into quite a beautiful little girl. You are so sweet. You rarely cry—only if you are very tired or hurt yourself. You still like to nurse. A lot. You love ladybugs, your babydoll, your stuffed horse and cow. And you love Baby Einstein. You say “juice,” “mama,” “tree,” “dada,” “cheese,” “keys,” “cat,” “duck,” “all done,” “fish,” “lizard,” “doggie/(you say ghee),” “gentle,” “kiss,” and “bye bye.” You can identify belly buttons, mouths, toes, and hands. You know what each of your toys is called. And, as of Sunday July 16, you walk!!

I never imagined that I could love you so much. I wake up every day grateful that you are mine and that we are such a happy family. I love our mornings together in your room, you look up at me with your huge blue eyes, you smile, you say “mama” and you melt my heart. Every day with you is better than the one before and I savor every single moment with you. I love you, Felicity. Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!

Love,
Mama

We Want What We Can't Have

So, for those of you who know my lifelong battle with eczema, this might be interesting. I finally saw a good allergist, who ran some tests and told me that I am highly allergic to the following:
Wheat
Rye
Soy
Egg Yolks
Broccoli
Strawberries
Bananas
Chocolate

Needless to say, today I have been craving grilled cheese sandwiches, chocolate cake, and strawberries. And all of the foods on the "no-no list" are ones that I keep encountering. I made Felicity a pancake for breakfast (no-no number one), watched Chris drink a strawberry smoothie (no-no number two), and am currently sitting in a coffee shop where the only food involves muffins and coffee cake. So I walked over to a sandwich shop to get a salad.

Keeping with the theme of being tempted by what I cannot have, I bumped into a perky young Mom of FOUR with a 5 month old little girl perched on her size 4 lap. We got to talking while in line, the way that moms do, and she told me that with Felicity turning one next week things are going to be so much easier. (I had to laugh to myself: Last night Felicity was up EVERY HOUR crying due to, what I think is teething, and she has yet to sleep a ten hour stretch.) To add insult to injury she told me that her 5 month old has been sleeping through the night 7 to 7 since she was three months old.

Being haunted by that which I cannot have appears to be a theme today.

My Name Is Rachel and I Am An Addict

I am addicted to checking out other blogs. Yes, it's sad. For one thing, right now I have a babysitter and I am supposed to be working on planning my course. But I just can't. Because everytime I log onto the course's webpage I think about something that I need to look up and then I get distracted by just quickly looking to see if any blogs that I read have been updated. And then those blogs have links to other blogs. And then I get sucked into this whole other internet world. Take for instance this blog. It's one of my favorites. The writing is hilarious. And then I just found this one. It actually won an award. Although the woman who writes it also explains that she got fired for her blog. Yikes. I don't think that I am in danger of getting fired for MY blog. I don't really have anything scandalous. But I suppose I could imagine a world in which I got fired because of spending time reading blogs by people who have gotten fired for their blogs instead of prepping my course.

Just got the evil eye from dear husband who is furiously editing his paper to be sent off for publication. I have yet to publish anything. Except for this blog. Wonder if it could count toward tenure...?

"All done"

This is Felicity's sign for "All Done." Imagine her little hands twisting in circles and her little raspy voice saying something to the effect of "Da-don." She uses this sign, primarily, to tell us when mealtime is over. However, the "All done" sign has now crept into other facets of our daily lives. Today, mid-diaper change, she let me know that she was "All done" with the diaper change. This afternoon, upon finishing her nursing session, she sat up in my lap and declared, "Da-don." And, perhaps the most embarassing, is her using the "All done" sign when we are visiting with friends, chatting away, and having some adult time. So much for Mommy and Daddy-time, Felicity was over it.

Major Developments

This morning Felicity walked from one end of the room to the other. She was so pleased with herself, but her excitement seemed to get the better of her and caused her to fall a bit prematurely. She starts shaking her hands and screeching and seems to be running more than walking! I had the video camera out, but I was a bit sloppy in my videography so I don't know that I got it all on camera.

I can see tooth number 2 making its entrance on the bottom right and it looks like it'll be followed quickly by the top two. So, in time for her birthday we should have a walking and toothy baby!

The birthday plans are underway. I ordered a slew of party decorations yesterday and tomorrow I am off to order the cake. I bought a ladybug birthday dress online for her last week to match the theme. I realize that I might be going a bit overboard with this, but it's just too fun.

The start of the school year is unfortunately right around the corner and that means Felicity's daycare starts. It's going to be quite a horrible transition for me,--going from spending every second with her to being without her from 9-3 four days a week. I know that my scholarship will improve (article writing, what's that?!?) and that my students will get a much more focused teacher. But my oh my am I going to be a wreck. :(

Playing til she's Pooped

Amazingly, I have time yet again to update. Felicity is taking her morning nap--a luxury that I know is going to peeter away shortly, but I am enjoying it so very much while it lasts--and I have been playing with the settings on my blog. It's pretty cool how you can give yourself a crash-course on html and make a few key changes. While I am no computer whiz, I am a procrastinator who gets sucked in to aimless artistic projects, so look for changes on the blog as I learn.

Felicity seems to have amazing powers of concentration (I know, I know, like her Daddy...) and she can play by herself for an hour at a time. I do, of course, try to intervene by stacking blocks with her or reading or re-introducing long-lost toys from the bottom of the toy box, but my attempts are usually met with a sort of, "Please, Momma, I am sooo over that activity, can you just let me play by myself?!"

She LOVES Elmo. And continues to clap and bounce as he sings the Hokey Pokey. She hasn't quite mastered squeezing his hand to make him dance, but we know when she wants him to be turned on because she gets on her knees in front of him and claps her hands furiously.



Her other favorite toy is her babydoll, which she carries with her everywhere and gives it kisses. Of course the love is interspersed by some pretty tough body slams, so I am not convinced her maternal instincts have been honed just yet.
She also continues to like listening to her Daddy read to her. It's the cutest thing to watch. Her favorite book, STILL, is Ten Little Ladybugs.

We just got Felicity an early birthday present so that she can be stylish when she is seen out and about town. She hasn't quite figured out how to honk the horn, but her steering is perfect!

Eating is, and continues to be, an adventure. She definitely has a good time with food.
And, when she's motivated, concentrates so very hard at picking up even the tiniest pieces of fruit or cheerios.


By the end of the day, she's definitely, to borrow Elmo's lingo, "pooped." A few days ago she even crashed on her back on our bed.

This time last year...

I was counting the days until Felicity's arrival.
We knew that she would be named Felicity and we talked constantly to my belly.
My feet were swollen like loaves of bread and it seemed to be the hottest summer on record.
We had NO IDEA what we were in for.
Chris was going to bed at 2 am.
I was spending time organizing and washing clothes and worrying about which CDs we might want to listen to in the delivery room. Foolish girl.

But just the other day Chris and I were talking about all the things that we managed to "get right" and as we look at this blossoming 11 month old, I have to say we did good. So, here it is, the advice I would have given to myself this time last year.

On preparing for the birth:
- You really can't.
- But you can sleep. Be well-rested. It truly is the longest day of your life.
- Make sure your husband is rested.
- Let your body take over. It won't let you down.

On the birth:
- Let it happen.
- Labor as long as possible at home.
- Despite the fact that you don't *really* want the drugs, say you do, this will encourage people to tell you over and over again that you *can* do it. You'll need to be reminded of this.
- Make sure to spend a ton of time in the tub. The contractions are less severe.
- Bring Elisabeth Witt. She makes it all better.
- Make sure your husband is rested. It'll be a long day for him, too.
- Listen to your body. If you need the drugs, get the drugs.
- And then refrain from kissing the anesthesiologist even though you really want to.

On the first days home from the hospital:
- Tell husband that he cannot watch SportsCenter.
- Sleep when the baby sleeps. Seriously.
- Sleep with the baby.
- Let everyone do everything for you EXCEPT hold the baby. This is YOUR bonding time.

On breastfeeding:
- Do it.
- The soreness goes away within a week.
- Have Lansinoh ointment next to the bed.
- Learn to side-lie and breastfeed.
- Spend as much time nursing as possible to get your supply up.
- Sleep.

On basic necessities:
- Get a sling.
- Wear the baby constantly.
- Give yourself permission to let all of the hormones take over.
- Eat.

And remember to enjoy every last second. Because one day you will open your eyes and it'll be nearly a year later. And, although, everything is wonderful. And Felicity is wonderful, there's a teeny tiny part of me that really misses that itty bitty baby sleeping next to me in the big bed.